It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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