In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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