My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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