So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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