Can i not drive my cunt home
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
