I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
