I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
