sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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