I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In other news, I just burned my penis
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
