Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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