i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
