I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it because I queefed?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
