I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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