Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
FUCK WHALES
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
