why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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