I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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