he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
