That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
