i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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