Having a random hookup so left but love u
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
