you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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