So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
