between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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