God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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