I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
