A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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