She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
