summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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