so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
