It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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