This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
