apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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