She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
