What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
