having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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