just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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