NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
