I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
