Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
