i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
