(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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