Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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