apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
