You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
