it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
