Say something about gay babies.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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