Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
