The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
