we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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