you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
