I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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