Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
