I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
