Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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