i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
